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Holiday Survival Tips for Family Caregivers

The hustle and bustle of holidays can make us feel like we are swept up in a whirlwind. Holidays can also be a time of great joy or great stress depending on how you manage your time and expectations. The stress can be even more acute for family caregivers. The desire to make the time memorable and significant can add extra pressure particularly if there is the possibility that this may be your last holiday together.

Be realistic about what you can do

You’ve been through many holidays in the past, but perhaps not in the role of caregiver. As a caregiver you have additional responsibilities that put extra demands upon your time. In past years you may have participated in the annual Christmas Carol Sing, volunteered for the local toy drive or food bank, gone all out decorating, or cooked dinner for a group of 20. But this year you may feel stressed about undertaking some or all of those past activities. Don’t put undue pressure on yourself. Don’t feel obligated to maintain the same pace – learn to say “NO”. Everyone in your extended group of friends and acquaintances might not know of your situation so explain it briefly to them and they will understand. They might even want to find ways to help you as part of the holiday giving spirit.

If you happen to find a really great gift it’s okay to give it to more than one person especially if they live far away from each other or run in different social circles.

There may even be traditional family activities that your care recipient can’t participate in due to mobility issues, fatigue or cognitive impairment. So be realistic about what you and your loved one can undertake. If possible, make arrangements to attend on your own while your care recipient is looked after by another. Use the calendar at your CareGiverHelper family community to make sure you don’t overbook your schedule!

Plan Ahead

The holidays come at nearly the same time every year so start early. Take a few minutes to outline the tasks that you need to accomplish; whether it’s cleaning and organizing, shopping, baking or cooking; writing down your tasks will help put things in perspective.

Your family community at CareGiverHelper offers tools that help you organize tasks and keep them in one place so you don’t lose track! Try to do the bulk of your gift buying through catalogs or on the Internet.

Try to do the bulk of your gift buying through catalogs or on the Internet.

Or shop online at the CareGiverHelper Mall. Log into your family community and click on "Shop" on the left vertical tool bar. This can save hours of time waiting in traffic and congested stores.

Internet and catalogs allow you to shop in the convenience of your home whenever you happen to find the time. This also is an easy way to involve your care recipient in the gift selection process and make them feel like they have a valuable part to play in the holiday activities.

Many of these outlets will gift wrap and ship the gift to its final destination. Even if you are going to be visiting the gift recipient over the holidays it reduces the amount of stuff you have to transport and keep track of.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Many of the tasks that you have on your To-Do-List could be done by someone else. Be sure to use your CareGiverHelper family community to ask friends or family to help with tasks such as cleaning before the holiday dinner, decorating or running a few errands.

If you have a To-do list it makes it easier to coordinate activities because individuals can choose those tasks that suit their schedule or capabilities.

Instead of cooking the entire dinner for the family, ask attendees to bring a dish for the meal that day. You can communicate through your family community to coordinate the dishes that guests should bring for that day to insure a complete meal and that the traditional family favorites are represented. Ask one or two individuals to stay

Ask one or two individuals to stay a little later to help straighten up after the holiday event. The tools at CareGiverHelper will help you organize and coordinate tasks and communicate among family and friends to help reduce your stress.

Make sure that you take some time for yourself and arrange for a home health care worker, friend or family member to relieve you for a few hours so you can enjoy a little bit of the holidays for yourself.

Maybe you want to attend an event that your care recipient isn’t able to, or you want to do a little window shopping, or watch the kids ice skate at the local park. Taking some time out for your self allows you to refresh and re-energize. This is especially important at emotional times like the holiday season. This will enable you to continue providing the best possible care for your loved one.

Preserve traditions when you can or create new ones if necessary

Every family has their own set of holiday traditions that help make up the fabric of our lives, provide richness and texture, continuity and generational memory.

Some of the traditions may be elaborate and time consuming and some simple yet meaningful. Talk to your loved ones about what traditions are the most important for the family to keep; it may be a special recipe that symbolizes the holidays, a family sing-a-long, special decorations, or invocation.

Try to preserve those traditions that are important to you and your loved ones. If that tradition was something maintained by the care recipient be sure to find family members who are willing to carry on that tradition when you can’t, or scale them back if necessary.

But don’t be afraid to create new traditions that capture the spirit of the old tradition and are possible and sustainable under the family’s current situation.

Involve your care recipient in the preparations

Be sure to involve your care recipient in holiday preparations and festivities to the best of their abilities. That may be decorating the holiday table; helping to prepare or overseeing the next generation in the preparation of an old favorite family recipe; opening the holiday cards or advent calendar; wrapping gifts; picking out holiday music; or saying grace are all ways that your loved one can make a meaningful contribution let everyone have an opportunity to get into the holiday spirit and do something to contribute to the level of their abilities. This will keep your loved one engaged and feeling useful and it will also help create warm memories that last a lifetime.

Safety considerations

The holidays often mean special decorations to foster the festive atmosphere.

Time constraints aside, consider whether you should reduce the number and size of your holiday decorations to create a safer home environment.

Should you reduce the size of the Christmas tree this year so there is room for a person with a walker to get through the area? Stack gifts on the table instead of on the floor beside the tree? Or get rid of the tree altogether?

Should you eliminate lit candles in favor of battery operated devices? Bundle cords for lights and other decorations so they don’t pose a tripping hazard? Or eliminate festive lighting altogether because it creates confusion with your care recipient? Should you avoid tablecloths as part of your decorations because they pose a grabbing and falling hazard?

Special circumstances

The simple fact that you find yourself a family caregiver means that you are in a special situation. But there are some situations that are even a bit more complex, and require more planning and preparation to make special or even survive without undue stress.

Some of these special circumstances include: your family travels for the holidays; your loved one has Alzheimer’s disease; your loved one is in the hospital; your loved one is in an assisted living facility; your loved one is too frail to leave home; or your loved one is in hospice

Your family travels for the holidays

Many families incorporate travel as part of their holiday tradition. Maybe you regularly rent a house in Vermont, visit Aunt Mary in Ohio, or go skiing in Lake Tahoe; make sure that you communicate with your care recipient before you make plans, be sure that they feel up for the excursion.

Before finalizing your plans make a realistic determination with other family members and doctors if necessary, that your loved one is physically capable of handling the actual travel to and from the destination. Also be certain that you have the resources and support on the other end to meet both of your needs.

Transportation issues If you are travelling by air and you can afford the time, try and avoid peak flying days and times, by departing and returning a day or two on either side of the busiest travel.

Be prepared to cancel plans if weather events look like you may be stuck in transit for long periods of time. When making travel plans with and for a care recipient, travel insurance is an acceptable expense to avoid losing out on costly tickets.

If you are travelling by car be sure to plan for extra time on the road so that you can include the appropriate number of rest breaks.

Before you go This is the perfect time to use your family community at CareGiverHelper to make lists of all of the things that you have to coordinate.

In addition to packing your own needs you may also have to oversee or be responsible for packing all the items your care recipient needs while travelling.

Make sure that you have all of the prescriptions they might need, that they are all refilled and in the proper bottles with labels that show the patient’s name, medication name and dosage.

In addition to whatever clothing and personal items they might need make sure the care recipient has one or two personal items that make them feel comfortable and secure such as a favorite sweater, their journal, or comfortable slippers.

Once you get there Be sure that you familiarize yourself and your care recipient with their surroundings. Make sure they are settled and comfortable and they know that they have a quiet place to go to if they should need a break.

It’s still important that you don’t overdo it. Be realistic about what activities the family can participate in.

The travel alone may have tapped the resources of you and your loved one.

Your loved one has Alzheimer’s or another dementia related disorder

There is no doubt that Alzheimer’s and other dementia related disorders pose some of the greatest challenges when it comes to family caregiving and the holidays are no exception.

For many patients with Alzheimer’s changes in routine can be difficult so try to maintain as much of your routine as possible.

Although you should encourage friends and family to visit you should limit the number of visitors at any one time to lessen the amount of confusion of your care recipient.

Most Alzheimer’s patients have certain times of the day when they are at their best. Try to schedule visits for those times.

Remember, it is also important for visitors to know that their loved one may seem different and to have an idea of the type of behavior that they might expect.

You can add holiday visitors to your CareGiverHelper family community and suggest they review the links in the resource community on Alzheimer’s disease.

This may help to avoid hurt feelings, disappointment or shock if the visitor isn’t remembered or is treated abruptly.

If your loved one has long term memory recall be sure to let visitors know that they can talk about family holidays, customs and recipes.

Most of all, it is important for your care recipient to feel safe, secure and well protected. If they become agitated be sure to remove them to a quiet part of the house as quickly as possible and have someone stay with them who they recognize and trust. Get them involved in an activity that is familiar to them and puts them in a more relaxed state.

Get back to the party when you can and try not to let the interruption interfere with your enjoyment of the event.

Your loved one is in the hospital

It happens that sometimes due to accident or illness your loved one is in the hospital during a holiday season. If the condition is grave you may have to forego most of your own holiday plans. If the majority of your family is local try to have some dinner with the family while someone relieves you at the hospital, you will need your strength and the support of your family in the days to come.

If your loved one is up to it, they may be interested in having company to help relieve the tension or boredom of the hospital routine.

Find out from the hospital staff if it is okay to bring in a few holiday decorations to brighten up the environment. A small potted Christmas tree or poinsettia, a strand of holiday lights, or a battery operated Menorah are just a couple of ways to sparkle up a holiday.

If your loved one doesn’t have any dietary restrictions maybe you can bring the usual holiday dinner to them so they don’t have to miss out on their favorites.

Friends and family members can take turns visiting the patient so they aren’t overtaxed, and you won’t create too much noise or stimulation for patients who need their rest.

That also gives you a chance to spend sometime with family either at the hospital or another location.

Be sure to thank the hospital staff for helping to make your holiday more pleasant and treat them to something special, a card or bouquet of flowers for the nurse’s desk, a special family dessert, or if you don’t have time for anything else: just your quiet thanks will do.

Your loved one is in an assisted living center or long term care facility

These facilities provide different levels of housing and care depending upon the severity of your care recipient’s condition. This will impact the amount of privacy your family may have to conduct their holiday activities.

Ask the facility what types of decorations are allowed and then decorate your loved one’s apartment or room. Try to include decorations that are meaningful and evoke happy memories.

If your loved one is capable of short trips and would like an outing, perhaps to the Nutcracker ballet, Christmas concert, or other event and you can arrange it then do take them out during the holidays. But don’t attempt to travel great distances if your loved one has difficulty with long car rides. Everyone will be exhausted and no one will be able to enjoy themselves.

If they aren’t up to leaving the facility, try and arrange a few occasions when small groups of friends and family, stop by to bring them some holiday cheer. Be sure to include favorite foods and an activity or two that reminds them of happier times.

Many assisted living facilities offer wonderful in-house holiday activities that you can share with the entire family. Be sure to check their calendar for events that might be of interest.

If it is appropriate you could plan on bringing dinner to the facility and sharing it there with a small group of family.

Your loved one is too frail to leave home

Just because your loved one is too frail to leave home doesn’t mean that they can’t and won’t enjoy celebrating the holidays.

As always, you should consult with your care recipient to find out what level of excitement and company they are up for and plan accordingly.

You might consider having events earlier in the day when your loved one has higher energy levels.

Although it is nice if your care recipient is able to participate in holiday events it just might not be possible. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have friends and family to visit and enjoy the closeness of the holiday season. Family and friends can be very supportive and an important part of your social circle that keeps you, the caregiver, healthy and happy.

Your loved one is in hospice

Hospice represents the very end of the caregiving process. If your loved one is in a hospice facility this could be the last holiday that you will spend together. You may feel under extra pressure to make this holiday more significant.

This is a good time to ask family members and friends to bring in photos of your loved ones and to share them with each other and the stories behind them. Someone could take responsi-bility for putting it together in a scrap book and having copies made for everyone.

It might also be a final opportunity for voicing sadness and having some open and honest communication among family members.

These can be very important times for the family, quiet times for reflection and remembrance, for sharing feelings and finding peace.

Emotional cost of the holidays

Remember that the family circum-stances have changed and that the holidays may not be the same while caregiving is an issue. It’s important to have realistic expectations and not aim for perfection that you might not be able to achieve.

But as much as it is a time for reflection it is important that you not dwell on what has been lost rather you should give thanks for those things that you do have.

Finally

Unexpected things might happen that force you to modify or even cancel some or all of your plans. Make the best of the situation and take joy from the little things.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." -- Helen Keller

co-authored by: Robert M. Zakon

CareGiverHelper, Inc.

CareGiverHelper is an internet healthcare marketing and communications company that assists organizations build brand awareness, client loyalty and new client acquisition, through an online community for family caregivers. This web based service improves task organization and communication between family caregivers in order to assist in facilitating daily activities, emergency response and longer term planning processes. It also includes discussion and support groups that are facilitated by resource communities that each focus on a specific health related topic. The service is free of charge for non-paid caregivers and their families.